Wardrobe Malfunctions

The last time I saw the inside of a gym was sometime in the mid-to-late 90’s before my daughter was born. I was in an aerobics class and loved it. There was a good mix of guys and gals, and we wore t-shirts and sweat pants, or shorts for our workout. I do recall seeing leg warmers and shiny leotards, but they were few and far between. That in mind, I donned a comfortable, clean t-shirt and shorts, and headed to the gym. I felt good about my choice in clothing, until I looked around the room.

Where do these cute, tiny, little workout clothes come from, and dear Lord, do I have to invest in a new wardrobe just to work out? Some of the women wear the little sports bras with midriff cut camisoles over them. (Let me just say that these women had the body for it, and if I could, maybe I would dress that way. I still wonder how this actually enhances exercise.) Should I attempt this style of dress I would look like a link sausage that ruptured in the middle. I only saw one woman dressed in a t-shirt and capri length sweats, and while she was trim and neat in her dress; she was also over retirement age. Not only did the clothes catch my attention but I noticed that full make-up, and jewelry, appeared to be worn.

If I were to wear make-up during my workout it would end up on my knees, so what’s up with that?  The jewelry; well my wedding ring and watch never come off, but to have a couple of necklaces and HUGE hoop earrings on just seems a bit overdone, don’tcha think? If I came into the gym wearing just one of the necklaces I saw, I would have a black eye and a sturdy rash around my neck. I had no idea that the gym was a fashion center. It seems that just being comfortable is not done. Shoot, it’s bad enough that “What Not To Wear” (the style guru show on TLC) won’t even let women run to the grocery store with shorts and t-shirts; now we have to dress to impress in the gym.

While I don’t intend to look like a photo from “People of Wal-Mart” (and hey, I admit to buying there...Budget, ya know), I’d like to think that being clean and comfortable meet the criteria for workout clothes. I’m sorry, but it was all too distracting when I heard the clank, clank, clank, of necklaces bouncing up and down that the lady on the elliptical next to me was wearing. I’m afraid I’ll have to be on standby to give first aid, or call 911 when she gets hung up in the machine. I’m beginning to understand why some opt for a home gym; the convenience of it and the lack of having to look like a fashion plate are a major plus.

Ah well, all of this and getting in shape too. Still, I think I’d better brush up on my first aid skills. There were a couple of guys who almost lost their balance this week, trying to run flat out on the treadmill while sneaking glances at “Necklace Lady.”  The gym is more of an adventure than I ever thought it would be, with or without potential wardrobe malfunctions.