Getting Where I Want To Be

It’s been one of those weeks where motivation has been low; news has been bad, and the run to and from Band Camp has started. In the middle of all my usual activities I received a phone call that left me hurt and puzzled. The caller was well intended and before I hung up, I had the opportunity to get my point across, but the call left me chafed to say the least. “How can you do a blog about losing weight when you had lap-band surgery two years ago? Just because it failed you, doesn’t mean you haven’t tried to take the easy way out.” Well, the expletives that came to mind when I heard that wouldn’t have done anyone any good and my daughter was too close by for me to be, uh, as ticked as I would have liked to have been.

Two years ago I opted for the lap-band surgery after twenty-five years of living with the ups and downs of weight loss, the constant struggle, and the snarky comments. I wasn’t a heavy child, or a heavy teen. The weight came on after my father had passed away; I used food to pacify emptiness, to celebrate, and at times to ease boredom. When I was getting ready to turn fifty, I looked at my two young children and made a decision to try and be the best I could be health-wise. (Mainly so I could mess my children up for a longer length of time, causing them endless hours of therapy by living longer, but that’s another story.) The decision to have the lap-band surgery was fraught with controversy. I was told it was the easy way out, that I was lazy and just didn’t want to put in the discipline that was needed into losing weight, and that it would fail anyway. I was surprised, not so much by the comments, but where they came from. Still there were those who were supportive and it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. For a year the weight came off, slowly and steady. My energy level was up and I felt good about myself for the first time in many years. Then I had a second surgery.

Six months after the lap-band, I went for a round of tests after discovering a lump on the side of my neck. I had a tumor in the parotid gland, the size of a grade a large egg. Usually cancer is not an issue with this type of tumor, but the large size and location had my doctor cautiously concerned. Two biopsies were done and, with a breath that can only be described as heavenly, I was told there was no cancer. The surgery was a four-hour plus ordeal due to the location of the tumor, and the need for care to avoid paralysis of the facial muscles. I got lucky all the way around. I can wink, blink, grin and whistle, and the scar, while noticeable, is faint. It runs from the top of my left ear down into the middle of my neck. The only side effect came from the anesthesiology.

I am now more susceptible to infection and in the past seven months I’ve been in the emergency room twice and have spent four of those seven months on steroids and antibiotics. Anybody know what steroids do to a diet? I can tell you what they’ve done for me; I want to eat…constantly. I’ve had to be careful or I’ll gain back all of the weight that I initially lost. Prior to the lap-band surgery, I was 248 pounds. I lost 46 and have gained back 15. The lap-band helps with portion control, but you still have to eat right and exercise, and as you lose weight, the band has to be filled with saline to tighten around the stomach. This is in order for the portion control to remain correct. I haven’t been able to have a fill in several months, and my doctor recommends that I don’t until we’re over this hurdle. The main reason is because when you have the lap-band, you can’t, how do I put this politely, be effectively nauseous. One does not wish to choke when coughing up part of their lung.

Currently I’m on week two of another round of steroids. I’m hoping this will finally do the trick and that I can get a fill on the lap-band. If not, I’ll continue to do what I have been doing, eat well, exercise and work it like a big girl. (No pun intended) There is NOTHING easy about having surgery, and there is no easy way to lose weight. If you’ve been there, you know what I’m saying. I’ve made a commitment to myself to do this, for me and honestly for my children. I’m healthy in spite of the pounds I carry and I want to be healthier still. When I started this blog, I did it for me and for all of the rest of us who understand how difficult being overweight, and losing weight is. So no matter your decision or the path you go down to lose weight, here’s to you. May your choices be healthy and may we all get where we want to be!