I Want To Eat My Way Through North America With A Side of Fries

It’s that kind of a day. It started out normal enough, the radio alarm went off, and as usual I didn’t hear it. Then I rushed to just wake up while my brain downloaded all that had to be done in the day. Get the kids up, get the little one dressed, throw the cereal in the bowl, gather the supplies and food for their day, pull on some clothes, and head out the door. That was just the morning routine. Things looked to be on schedule until the van decided to go off line, and that threw the hitch in my giddy-up which sparked an argument between da hubby and me.

Being in a marriage is hard work, throw in children with diametrically opposed schedules and some days it seems impossible. Add to that, jobs, housework, a teaching schedule for music students along with the need to create and find time to write and well, sometimes the day can really start out with a bang. Today I’m wishing it was Bang-Bang Shrimp from the Bonefish Grill. I want to run into a mountain of carbs and well, carbs. Its times like these I remember going to my mother, as a child, with tears in my eyes and she would soothe and (honest to goodness sometimes it seemed magical) a dish would appear, heaped with pacifying delicacies. I’m not laying blame at the feet of my Mama, but even now when I’m stressed or “put out” I still turn to the solace of food. The problem with that is as soon as I’m finished tranquilizing myself, the guilt sets in as does the realization of the setback I’ve just caused myself in the weight loss department.

Someone once told me it’s not about what you eat; it’s about what’s eating you. Well dang. I’d have to go to psycho-therapy just to work out what’s eating me. Seriously, it is a valid statement and one that has me looking at other things to do to dissipate the stress. We all have stress; we all handle it in different ways. I have to figure a way to handle it and not turn to food. Writing helps, but when I can’t get to it because of a glitch or just the daily workings of life, I head to the refrigerator in an almost trance-like state. I don’t need to be bullied into different behavior like they do on weight loss shows. Those of us who have a hard time “fitting in” to a healthy weight already know how it feels to be bullied, and most of it comes from ourselves. I can show you seven ways from sideways to make myself feel bad without help from anyone else. In a world where stress is everywhere along with size zero models, it’s enough to make you grab the double mocha latte and hide in a corner.

I followed the hubby out to the garage for repair, both of us slightly worse for wear but still here, still getting by and still committed (I'm sure he thinks I should be) to keep on going until the next silly thing pops up and then keep on going after that. It reminds me of the conversation between Dory, in “Finding Nemo,” and Marlin when he feels he’s reached his breaking point:

Dory: “Hey there, Mr. Grumpy Gills. When life gets you down do you wanna know what you’ve gotta do?”

Marlin: “No I don’t wanna know.”

Dory: “Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, and swimming.”

Maybe, if I “just keep swimming” I’ll find different ways to get through the stress. For now, I’ll just leave those Bang-Bang Shrimp for Dory.

(Current stats on the weight loss, down another pound for a total of five pounds lost. Honestly, I think it was because I was sick this weekend.)